I Believe You're My Portion

You hold my every moment
You calm my raging seas
You walk with me through fire
And heal all my disease

I believe You're my healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe

And I believe you're my portion
I believe You're more than enough for me
Jesus You're all I need.

These lyrics to Kari Jobe's song Healer have been running constantly in my head over the last couple of months. In June, we traveled up to PA. On the long journey I heard this song for the first time. As I listened to the words and heard the line- I believe you're my portion- I just fell apart. Because it was the first time I truly asked myself the question "Is Jesus enough?" If my biggest/darkest fear were to become a reality was I willing to say... "Jesus I know that this world is not my home and that right now YOU are enough--You are my portion." I was upset because I was afraid to say those words...But I sang them anyway reflecting and praying about the things that I hold too tightly to. My husband, my children, my parents,ect...
What was the Lord trying to teach me in this moment? Well, like a lot of the time in the busyness of life I forget about these teachable moldable moments. Months go on and here we are almost to the end of August. I was not aware that such darkness, sadness, and despair was right around the corner. He was preparing me to ask myself again, in a very real way, "am I your portion"?

Having my life completely turned upside down - I mean everything I have ever known to be tightly knitted suddenly begins to unravel in front of my eyes. I can't imagine not being able to see or understand that there is a greater purpose, a perfect plan unfolding just as He has decided - without this knowledge I would have completley lost my way. Having the anchor of knowing the Truth, God's truth - has saved me, not figuratively-literally. Trusting in what He says in His word has set me free and been my stronghold in the midst of my weakest hours. Not Shane, not my children, they have been instruments that the Lord has used to keep my focus on my joy. There have been days where I just cry out and ask why, but the Holy Spirit quickly reminds me that its not about my tempory plan or fleating happiness - it's about His perfect will and the everlasting joy He supplies by His promises.

---I have felt the presence of the Lord more now in my suffering than in any other time of my life.
---I have seen His people serve and love,unselfishly-love, like Christ.
---I have relearned that the Gospel message HAS to be preached to myself everyday.
---I have witnessed Isaiah 40:28-31 to be true...
God does keep his promises. He has not forsaken me, He is always there to comfort me in my sadness.
Though this world is full of pain and sorrow and is totally unpredictable - My Jesus is enough and He promises to hold me together - I believe this to be true. I know I cannot do it. I believe He accomplished all things for me in Christ. He is all I need.

If you are reading this and do not trust in the finished work of Christ and you feel alone and that you cannot do it....you're right - you can't, you never will. Christ did and He will NEVER leave you nor foresake you. He will always be there for you no matter what. He will be your portion as He has been mine if you belong to Him. BELIEVE THAT HE IS YOUR PORTION

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvIEJ_PmqJ8